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When i was 8 i used to go on zwinky and i got an internet boyfriend and he asked how old i was and i lied and said i was 17 and he asked if i was a virgin and i got confused because i didnt know what a virgin was so i asked my sister if i was a virgin and she just went ” oh god i hope you are” and told me to ask my mom , so i did and she was just all “oh hunny virgin is oil, like extra virgin olive oil” 

so i got back on and told him i wasnt oil and he broke up with me. 

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Im gonna call my kid christmas so when he has sex he can say: “looks like christmas came early”